it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
