I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
