Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
