i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
