If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize