That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
