I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize