She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
