perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
