What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize