So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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