Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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