ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize