Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
