Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
