Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
