I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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