i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
