I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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