I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
