38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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