just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
