So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
