So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
