just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
