Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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