NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
