How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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