Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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