pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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