she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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