how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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