I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
