i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
