Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
