I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
