I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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