So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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