I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
