Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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