We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
