I just cut my nipple shaving
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
