from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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