If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
