just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
