think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
