thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
