Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
love makes seman taste better
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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