I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
