Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
