Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
