its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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