I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I love you. Go after that dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
