you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
