Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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