I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
