Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
