i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
