so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
