Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize