Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
