I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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