My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize