no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
