Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
