You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
