think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
