Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it hurts more in the daytime
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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