I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize